Monday, October 27, 2008

Behold: The Lego Mahal

At MOA's famous LegoLand we have a really cool Lego replica of the Taj Mahal. For comparision's sake I've included the real one on the right, under the glass. (The Lego one on the left is HUGE)

Hand sanitizer in the parking ramp y'all


This ad for HealthPartners can be found on the first level, Southeast walkway of the East parking ramp. It's got a Purell hand sanitizer dispenser below the word "Wash."

Shouldn't it really say "Disinfect," since there's no water involved?

More lies...

Subtle advertising? Or hidden truth?

Check it out...on the left we have MW Tux, short for Mens' Wearhouse Tux. (The W is cleverly nested in the M to create a bowtie in the logo.) On the right we have a fancy designer MOA waste basket.

Now, look carefully at the waste basket. Notice the 3 "bowties" in there. Yeah...that's right. MW Tux is advertising on waste baskets. Which would make sense, since my friend and I recently rented tuxes from them, and their service was garbage.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Help from...the baker? The butler? The ancient statue thingie??

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I've always wanted to push this "Help" button in the parking ramp to see if this dude with the hat, outreached limb, and diagonal chest arrow would come "help" me.

And if you look at the picture a certain way it looks kinda like one of those Easter Island "Moai" statues. (So maybe their "purpose" after all was to be MOA security? Notice that MOA is only one letter short of MOAI...Hmm...)


Geox is a shoe store that sells "shoes that breathe." To get the point across they put up a picture of a boot that appears to be expelling steam like an iron.

This ad does not increase the probability that I'll shop at Geox.

A shark? Wooooaaaahhhooooaaahhooee!

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I wonder how many takes were required for this woman to achieve just the right balance of phony surprise, bewilderment, awe, delight, and fright at the sight of seeing a shark at Underwater Adventures.

I got yer economic stimulus package right here

Journeys, the alt-skater shoe store, is running a genius marketing campaign that involves--get this--the election! And they're out to make things better for all of us!!

I think the basic message is, if everyone buys a whole bunch of these new shoes, Journeys stores everywhere will have more money, and eventually our nerve wracking, paranoia-inducing economic crisis will end. Wall Street will recover, consumer spending power will go up, and poverty and hunger will go the way of the velociraptor.

So at the ballot in a few weeks, be sure to write in "New Shoes" for president. Remember folks, shoes first, country...also first.

Who wants fake, pebble shaped "ice cream"?


I've always been a fan of Dippin' Dots, the ice cream that comes in the form of tiny spheres.

Between the closing of Camp Snoopy and the opening of Nickelodeon Universe, the mall's amusement park was called, generically, "The Park at MOA." During this dark period the Dippin' Dots took a hiatus. But thankfully they're back, in a colorful new kiosk near the Spongebob rollercoaster. And they have a killer new Smores flavor, complete with crumbled bits of real graham cracker! (Or real enough.)

And for all you Dots haters out there, you all need to realize that in the year 98837520 ALL ice cream will be like this. So, for the sake of posterity, eat your Dippin' Dots.

It's a Sign of the Crimes

It shouldn't be much of a surprise that the Petters discount store will be closing soon. This may be your last chance to help fund Tom Petters' attorney fees! (Though with the huge discounts you might need to buy a LOT.)

Saturday, October 4, 2008

There's a hole in my foodcourt soul

Newsflash: there's a slew of plant holders hoisted high above the North foodcourt that have no plants. Always in groups of four, these empty plant rings must be filled. And they're EVERYWHERE. I mean, there's probably at least 30 of them.

Caribou needs to rethink this

That construction helmet better have some crazy looking holes in it...

Hey, let's alienate and confuse potential customers

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Side-by-side, we have, on the left, French Market Handbags, and to its right is its sister store (connected via entryway inside the store) French Market Hair. The latter one is ALWAYS closed.

OK, I know it's not closed...I'm guessing they always have the gate down because you can access the store via said entryway from French Market Handbags. And I suppose there's a greater chance of theft if one employee can't monitor both stores at the same time.

I should mention that before these two "French" stores were there, they were two stores that sold clocks and watches, called Keeping Time 2 and Keeping Time 1. Yes, in that order. 2 on the left, 1 on the right. Kinda like reading Hebrew.

I just find the whole thing absurd.

Ragstock is going insane

Not really sure what type of image Ragstock is trying to convey here, but its back-to-school look apparently involves dressing up as a giant birdman or a green gorilla. I mean, this is a store that, years ago, would never have even given into the whole "back-to-school" bullshit every other store is doing, back when it was a grunge lover's, mall hater's heaven. At least they're going a different route with the concept.

Shoes = Scones

A weird marketing trend I've noticed for a little while is naming clothing (and other things, such as wallpaper) after foods. Somehow this makes them more appealing, or "tasty" if you will.

It's kinda hard to see in this picture, but the name of the shoes this woman is wearing are called "The Pastry." It's part of "Angela's 21st Birthday Collection," as shown in the upper left corner. The shoes go well with the pictured hoop earrings and black sleeveless top, which are called "Carmelized Onions" and "Creamy Cheese and Bacon Soup" respectively.

Glory Hallelujah!!!

Just when I thought all was lost...just when it appeared widespread despair and melancholy were imminent...just when I thought the average MOA visitor would be deprived of creamy soft serve and fake orange drinks (unless they went to the other locations in the North and West sides of the mall)...the Phoenix rises up from the ashes and shines upon the East side of the mall once again!!

What I mean, of course, is that the hybrid Dairy Queen and Orange Julius, which had been displaced by a new Verizon Store, is reopening directly across from its old spot.

And it's more beautiful than ever before. The new blue tiles are so pretty.

The Vigilant One

This mannequin has been at Sears for ages. The familiar light sea green Oxford shirt tucked neatly into his black slacks. He is the very definition of Reliable.

For many moons he has quietly observed people bicker over garments that don't quite fit...he has witnessed many a fashion trend skyrocket to wild fame and fortune and then fade like an old pair of Levis...and he has spent many quiet, dark nights of solitude in the wee hours, where the lurkers lurk and the, uh, murkers murk.

Yes, like an old, wise friend, he keeps vigil over the men's department at Sears. He does not move, he does not waver...he just watches. Many of his friends have come and gone (RIP wooly argyle sweater mannequin), but he has persevered. He is still, he is calm, he is timeless.

I call him Rick.

New row of trees flanks Rainforest Cafe

Think of it as a subtle transition from the sterile mall hallways into a lush, tropical phony rainforest. From a marketing standpoint this is a really big step up.

LA tourists are laughing at us

Actually there aren't any LA tourists at MOA, but say for a moment there were. Chances are they'd scoff at the new True Religion store that's about to open. As a Midwesterner, I'd reckon a typical SoCal person would say True Religion has been passé since, oh, 2005 or something. But don't tell anyone from 'round here that. We all wanna be cool, ya know.

Fittingly, True Religion will be right next to the new Lacoste store, which means you can buy your $80 polo shirt with a gator and then swing next door to True Religion and get your $350 pair of jeans.

What makes these jeans so special, you ask? Well...if you have to ask, you're not cool. (Actually that question hasn't even been relevant since, oh, 2005 or something.)